I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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