So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
