id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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