Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
