I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
