Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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