Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
