It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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