I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
