Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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