I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he laminated a picture of his dick.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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