i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
