If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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