apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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