this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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