Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
