WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
