whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
