my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
