I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
