i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
