Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
