Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
well you can't waste a boner
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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