dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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