she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
