Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
