They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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