I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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