I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
