If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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