just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
God, I missed his penis.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
