remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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