Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
