Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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