thus making me awesome and them whores
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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