Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Quick, to the slutcave!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
