But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
