i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we're making bets on your personal life
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
