i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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