I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
