How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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