Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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