i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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