I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
