Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
