Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
