You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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