Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
