I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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