how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
