it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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