508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
