So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
