I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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