Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
