I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
